Tuesday, March 31, 2009

"Who am I"

This is a question,which,I suppose keeps plaguing those who seek answers to so many questions,those who are curious about life,destiny,religion,spirituality.One wonders about the difference between existing(as so many of us are doing) and "living" a fruitful life.
I now realize that life is a constant battle,(brought out so beautifully by Swami Yoganand Paramhans)right from the time I came into my mother’s womb.Before coming into that protective environment,I had to fight with other yet- to- be- born beings, based on their and my past karmas and desires.Once inside,it was again a battle for survival in that dark,closed atmosphere,where,of course,I was looked after by my mother as she took care of me by literally sharing her blood with me…..and that took care of all my body functions.I kept tossing and turning inside as past memories kept troubling me(and her as well since my movements caused pain to her too).Just before being born,I again had to survive the shock of this new environment and if I had not cried,I probably would never have seen the light of day!
The battle continued all along,through my early childhood to my adolescence,then to adult hood followed by middle age and now my late fifties.As an infant I was born very pure,knowing nothing about malice,jealousy,hatred,anger,stress,wickedness,worry and my predominant emotion was only love as I was born in the ‘image of God”.The warmth of my mother’s lap was all there was to it.Slowly but surely,this world attempted to teach me lots of “new” things,and I started developing new emotions of fear,jealousy ,anger,cunning,discontent,ego,insecurity etc,which probably had been lying dormant inside me(as my bad “samskars”from my previous births),along with so many other negative emotions which this world helped surface.I gradually started becoming”smart”in the eyes of this world,which wanted me to learn to cheat,hurt my fellow beings and to cause pain to others.I was told to care only about myself since another human being was just a competitor or someone who should be used to my advantage.I was encouraged to develop feelings of like, dislike,hatred etc.,to seek pleasure in gossip and by making fun of others,to accumulate money by fair or foul means since(I was told)having more money and material objects ensured happiness and success!
I now realize that the real “me’is calm and unruffled like a placid sea since a material gain or loss is viewed as an up or down of life which is part and parcel of the duality of the world we live in.I came into this world with nothing material and will leave with nothing in hand except myself.
Since I was born “in the image of God’,I now know that everyone who comes here has the same image,then where is the difference between me and other fellow beings?The real “me” does not belong to any religion,caste or creed but only to Him as I have Him inside me. If God allowed me to go back in time and to “see”our previous incarnations(as many of us do) I would see that at different times in different lives I may have been born in different faiths. I am a simple little being,wanting to be as humble as possible as I now know that I am not the doer but just an instrument in His divine scheme of things,here to carry out His bidding with kindness,compassion,love and affection with no expectations. Ego is the barrier between the little me and Him.

“I”am a source of radiant energy,full of love for my fellow beings,I desire nothing but love for all.My thoughts make up the Universe as I understand that “thought is matter”.The real”me”cannot hurt another being as it sees Him in every being.It communicates and transmits to other”beings”through intuition where language is not a barrier.”I”am a “spiritual”being who has incarnated in this world to have a “physical”experience and am evolving,meeting more and more evolved ‘spiritual”beings who act as catalysts and help in my progress towards my ultimate goal…..that of going back to Him again,ever spotless,ever pure! I crave and seek that divine union.